WattPad

Hey guys, so I know I haven't blogged in forever, so I thought I'd keep you up to date and tell you I have a WattPad page where I more regularly write short stories about anxiety etc. I also write fan fiction (not dirty lol) I would really appreciate you guts going and checking it out :)

https://www.wattpad.com/user/Pandora_xx

Saying Goodbye x

 Please come back. I am an empty shell that needs to be full with your love. You were always there, even when I told you not to be. Your permed silver curls would flop down in front of your beautiful conquer eyes, that glistened in the artificial light. You would sing to me constantly with your croaky but soothing voice, though you never knew that you were my sunshine. Your floral, violet dresses would float gently below your knees. You didn't have much money, but you were rich in love and kindness that it could easily fill a room with hope. You taught me life skills, without being pushy towards me. I was your last chance at raising a girl. You never thought of yourself, only ever of others, but they didn't see the light shine through your innocent soul. And then it came. Everything changed. The monster. It paralyzed you and your every move. Everyday it got stronger. I was only seven, but I remember it like yesterday. I didn't want to see you suffer anymore. I refused to see you. I screamed and cried because it was too painful to see you suffer. But I didn't say goodbye. I didn't know you would go so quickly. It was only a year. I never forgave myself. You were my idol. You always had a smile, even when it was hard, you never complained at anything. It was only a year. I miss you Nana.

I know that this is a bit different, but I had a sudden urge to blog about how it feels when somebody close to you passes. I wanted this post to be a tribute to her and to show that she will never be forgotten. She had motor neurones disease, meaning that she would gradually become paralyzed. She was only 63. Thanks for reading
Anonymous girl xxx

How To Revise Exams x

Hey guys, so as you probably know I am in year 10 at the moment and I am doing the AQA core exams in May. For this post I thought it would be a good idea to talk about revision tips and hacks.

So I think that the most important tip is to revise in a quiet room with no distractions like your phone. This may be hard but simply ask your parents to give you it back when you have finished revising so that you are not tempted to go and get it.

Tip number 2 is to reward yourself and have lots of little breaks so you don't overload your brain and end up forgetting everything. For my breaks, I usually eat food and scroll through my Instagram.

Tip number 3 is to NOT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC. I know a lit of you probably hate me for saying that, but trust me, it can be very distracting. If you are one of those people who physically have to listen to music in order for your brain to function, listen to instrumentals so that you don't focus on the lyrics of the song.

Tip number 4 is to chill. I know this seems impossible, but if you stress out about revision, then your brain will not be able to concentrate while you are studying. If I find that I am getting too stressed out to work, I simply stop and relax until I feel mentally ready to continue my work.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
Anonymous girl xxx

Quick update x

Hey guys, so I thought that I would do a completely random blog to just update you on my life at the moment. So recently my anxiety has been well under control and despite being anxious from time to time, I've not had a full on panic attack in weeks! I've also been really stressed out about school, as we need to start revising for our core science exams in May, and I haven't even started yet! In other news, I have been getting As and A*s in my subjects which I am very chuffed with. My advice of the day for you guys is that, no matter how stressed you are, just remember that you are so privileged to be able to choose what we want to do in life and that everything will work itself out eventually, and finally, everything happens for a reason.
Hope this wasn't too boring for you to read,
Anonymous girl xxx

Short Love Story x

Dear Edward,

                 I remember when we would visit the seaside together. Your tanned face would glow in the illuminated light. The beaming clouds clustered together and drifted throughout the sky.

I remember how you would hold me close. Pulling my waist securely near your’s so I would feel content. For you were my armour, my greatest protection. The sand percolated between my toes. I could feel rocks jabbing my feet and making them go scarlet, however, I didn’t care.

I remember your kind chocolatey eyes and your beautiful laugh that could make anybody instantly fall for you.

I remember the first time you whispered ‘I love you.’ into my ear. I felt like I was travelling at the speed of sound. Beads of sweat emerged from my forehead and butterflies invaded my stomach. That was when I knew. You were my galaxy.

I remember when I was away from you, life got harder. My mind felt overwhelmed with pain. My Mum thought I was pathetic for getting ‘too emotional’. Like my depression was an excuse. She would barge into my room and yell ‘Going out, be back soon.’ When she eventually returned she always stank of cheap lager and aftershave. Left me for days with nothing.

I remember the night it all happened. I hadn’t eaten in days. My stomach had swollen up like a bee sting and my head pounded, like I was bashing it on the ground, continuously. Mum burst in the battered front door, stumbling over the carpet and knocking over shoes. Feeling my pale face instantly turning red. My eyes flooded with tears from hatred of my devil mother. ‘Where have you been?’ I screeched. ‘Shut up you piece of crap, I told you I was at the bloody pub didn’t I?’ she slurred. My chest felt quelled against my ribcage, I physically couldn’t breathe. ‘What are you just standing there for? Go to bed you moron!’  She screamed, while trying to keep her blurred gaze on me. Her prominent eyebrows arched downwards as she stared intently at me ‘I never wanted you!’  She bellowed. Charging towards me and smacking my skinny forearm. It ached and stung supremely. Every time I answered back. Anytime.

I remember feeling so hopeless. My own mother. I couldn’t even call her my mother. That beast. Clambering up our narrow stairs and into my bedroom. I buried my head in my dusty pillow and sobbed for hours, not knowing the point in living anymore.

I remember waking up to tedious buzzing. My eyes were puffy from the previous night and you were trying to call me, repeatedly. I instinctively picked up. ‘Hello?’ I murmured through the mobile.  

‘Oh thank God you’re okay!’ You took a deep breath for relief.

‘What? I’m fine.’ I sniffled. The thing that I loved most about you was your ability to read me like a newspaper. ‘I saw your Mum coming out of a hotel this morning and she said she’d ‘taught you a lesson’, and I know what she’s like.’ I hung up. You were the only thing that was good in my distraught life. I couldn’t allow you to get involved, or you would just end up hating me like everybody else did.

I remember taking a brisk walk in the woods to calm my anxiety. The orban leaves crackled under my feet. My copper hair swirled in the soft breeze as the sun weaved between the twisted trees, causing the beams to blaze in my eyes.

I remember approaching the wetlands of the woods, where nobody ever crossed. It was a large, deep bog with rocks scattered around. Never knowing why nobody ventured through it, but anything was better than going home.

I remember perching myself on a rounded rock. It was as if I was crossing stepping stones to another planet, where there was no suffering. Catching sight of a large stone, with moss draped over the top of it. It was further away than the previous ones had been, but I figured I could leap onto it with ease.

I remember swaying my arms back and forth to gain momentum. I remember springing up into the air and feeling the droplets of rain

cleansing me. I remember lowering my foot onto the stone. Slipping. Reflexing my arm out to save myself from the marsh. There was a pointy stick, cemented into the bog. My wrist clasped it.

I remember crimson blood, pouring out of my wrist. Gripping it so tightly, like a pen in an English exam. My lungs felt as if they were collapsing. My feet swiftly started to sink, I struggled to move. I couldn’t use my hands to even attempt to escape. As fast as a flame, the mud had reached my thighs, rendering my legs useless.

I don’t remember my dad, he was just one of Mum’s many boyfriends, he didn’t want me, and neither did she. No friends at school. They would treat me like an invalid. You were the only person who had ever loved me. I squeezed my eyes shut to tried and distract myself from the pain. Clenching my fists and trying to hold back the tears that were urging to withdraw from my face. The bright sun, proceeding to irritate me, flickering upon my eyes.

I remember hearing footsteps. Loud, forceful footsteps. I turned my head to see you sprinting towards me. The mud oozed around my waist and anchored me to the ground. When I saw you, I cried with thankfulness that somebody cared enough to save me. You were the light to my path, the medicine for my heart. My world.

I remember you clutching underneath my arms thrusting me up. However, it was pulling me down too forcefully. ‘What the hell were you thinking?’ You shouted, yet your voice still consisted of your gentleness. I lowered my head and refused to reply. I tried to keep you out of my horrendous life, yet here you were. Still pulling me, each time with more force than the last.

I remember seeing you getting tired. I was shoulder deep. There was no point. I was going to die there. It’s not like I was important to the world anyway.

I remember your face turning amber. You appeared so frustrated. ’You tried your best and I love you for that’ I squeaked calmly with tears gradually slipping down my pink cheeks. ‘It’s not good enough! Do you think I’m just going to leave you here to die?’ My wrist was agonising. I was beginning to feel light-headed. Each part of my body was becoming more numb by the second.

… Darkness.

******

‘Zara!’

I remember rising up in bed with doctors rushing in and out of the room, monitoring the machines next to me. ‘Where am I?’ I whispered. You were by my side, holding my hand and rubbing my fingers. Mum was there too. She looked exhausted and was wearing no makeup. ‘I managed save you, but you fainted from blood loss from your wrist…’ There was a long pause. They must have thought I had done it myself. The doctors would never believe me if I told them otherwise, since had previously been diagnosed with clinical depression. ‘I...’ I burst into tears and you held me in your arms and rocked me like a baby. Mum scowled at me. The cuts on my wrists had been stitched up, but above was an immense purple bruise.

 I remember when Mum saw me stare at it, she flinched away. You saw the bruise too, but proceeded to hug me tightly. ‘It was an accident…’ I muttered, but you interrupted

‘I understand.’ You spoke in such a calm tone all of the time and never failed to amaze me.

I remember the doctor asking everybody to leave the room. This was the moment I dreaded. He sat down on the navy-blue seat next to me and asked ‘Zara, how did you inflict these injuries on your wrist? Remember that this is completely confidential so you can tell me anything.’ He thought I was a psychopath, but maybe I was.  

‘No, this is a misunderstanding, I fell and cut it on a sharp stick.’ I wasn’t sure whether he believed me or not but he nodded. ‘And this large bruise on your forearm? Was that from the fall?’

I remember panicking. ‘Well… My Mum got drunk one night and…’ I mumbled. ‘Enough said on that one.’ He stood up and left the room.

Straight away, you flooded in with a hopeful smile. ‘What did he say?’ You enquired

‘Everything’s going to work out for us.’  I peered through the thick blinds and saw Mum being pulled to one side of the dormant corridor. I turned away so that she could not imprint her stare into my conscience. I faced you. Your stunning eyes blinked at me and that was when you said;

‘You are my galaxy.’

Love Zara

Hope you guys enjoyed this (long) short story and comment if you want more stuff like this in the future

Anonymous girl xxx

My Drugstore Make-Up Bag 14 Year Old Girl x

Hey guys, so today I am going to give you a little run down of my basic make-up bag. Some days I don't wear any make-up, as I feel my skin is generally quite clear and doesn't require much coverage. For a primer I use the Rimmel stay matte as it is only about £3.00 and you only need to apply a tiny amount. Next I use the collection lasting perfection concealer in the shade fair. I find this concealer has very good coverage, however it sometimes leaves dry patches, as it is quite matte. For my powder I use the Rimmel stay matte powder in the shade transparent. This is the best powder ever and you barely ever need to re-apply. For my eye shadow I love the makeup-revolution girls on film pallet that has a lot of nude, gold shades. I am currently using the Maybelline lash sensational, which I would say is a mediocre mascara as I find it is quite clumpy. I have yet to find a great mascara. And finally for my lips, for Christmas I got a Mac lipstick in the shade flamingo. It is a light coral shade and the formulation is a luster. This means that it is very moisturising, however it may need to be re-applied throughout the day.
Thanks for reading this guys and I hope it helped in some way
Anonymous girl xxx

25 Facts About Me x

Hey guys, so this will hopefully help you get to know me a bit better!

1. I love English and writing my own stories, usually romance or fantasy.

2. Up until about 1 year ago I hated pizza (crazy or what?!) And now its one of my favourites.

3. I have 1 dog and 1 cat.

4. My favourite flowers are lilies and roses.

5. I prefer Galaxy to Dairy Milk (although I do love Dairy Milk Oreo)

6. I love doing sports like netball and basketball.

7. In my life I have lived in 8 houses and I am about to move into number 9!

8. Coldplay are my favourite band.

9. My favourite colour is blue (but also love pink)

10. I prefer sweet scents to fresh scents.

11. I have a fear of loneliness.

12. I have green eyes.

13. My favourite Disney princess is Rapunzel

14. I wish I could paint really well.

15. I spend about 60% of my life in bed.

16. I think I want to be a doctor when I'm older.

17. My favourite individual music artist is Sia.

18. The colour orange doesn't suit me.

19. I am really messy and disorganized.

20. The best feeling is putting on new socks.

21. My favourite Youtuber is Emma Blackery.

22. My favourite food is mango.

23. I really want to be able to fly.

24. My aim in life is to be happy and have my own family.

25. I am very shy around new people.

Hope you enjoyed this and have a nice January!

Anonymous girl xxx